Shame (noun/verb): the painful feeling arising from the consciousness of something dishonourable, improper, ridiculous, done by oneself or another (dictionary.com)

When was the last time you felt shame? Was it getting your teaching all muddled up while being observed? Finding out that the food you brought for ‘bring and share’ lunch at church had gone off…while people were eating it. More seriously, was it getting your name smeared at work because of an accusation or being the recipient of contempt because you somehow came up short? The way you speak, look, or act – in front of others. Perhaps life goals have gone askew in your family, professionally, at church, with colleagues, and your students. Maybe it’s that lingering feeling of shame every time you think about the past even though you do know and accept that Jesus has forgiven you – completely.

When we start thinking about sharing Jesus with people who have been experiencing shame, we need to be aware that ‘shame’ is an umbrella term that is understood in vastly different ways. At a recent 2:19 conference, one of the speakers, Wien Fung, explained how guilt is feeling bad about something you did. Shame, however, is feeling bad about yourself as a person. Now that’s serious!

In his book, Simon Cozens helpfully narrows down the ‘shame’ that comes from within and outside with four broad experiences:

Whatever the nuance of shame, Simon suggests three factors are always present[1]:

• Seeing or being seen
• Judgements being made
• Failing to come up to scratch

In our English classes, many learners are from cultures where ‘saving face’ and avoiding shame are high priorities. That is why we try not to pick too much on individuals and often use pair and group work. We go beyond individuals and show heartfelt interest, concern, and prayer for families, friends, colleagues, classmates, and communities. We employ gentler forms of error correction and encourage quieter and non-assertive learners to minimise the potential shame of ‘getting it wrong’ in front of others. We witness through our lives and also sometimes get opportunities to explain the hope that we have.

When it comes to sharing about Jesus with the people we meet, most of us are familiar with presentations of the gospel that push to the fore our guilt as sinners.

• We have sinned as we are sinners (e.g. Romans 3:23).
• Our sin has created an insurmountable gap between ourselves and a holy God (e.g. Isaiah 59).
• Yet God still loves us and yearns to bring us back to Himself! (e.g. Romans 5:6-11). Powerless to help ourselves, God sent Jesus to live a perfect, sinless life and take the punishment of our sin upon Himself by dying on the cross (e.g. Romans 8:3).
• Being raised to life again, Jesus defeated sin and death (Colossians 2:15).
• We are forgiven and have abundant life with Jesus when we accept His gift of grace (e.g. Ephesians 2:8-9).

Put like that, many of us can instantly see why Jesus’ substitutionary work on the cross is such wonderful news to us, guilty sinners. However, people have often observed that such an approach does not connect so powerfully to those experiencing shame. When we accept that much of the world’s population is immersed in cultures of ‘saving face’ and avoiding shame, meaningful conversation can be tricky when there is little understanding or felt-experience of ‘guilt’.

During my time teaching English abroad, I was always amazed when discussing the Parable of the Sower (Matthew 13), at how Asian friends with no familiarity with Jesus, Bible, or church insisted they were ‘good soil’. Not that there was no awareness of right and wrong in their lives, but often, wrongs would only be considered a problem when identified and called out in public[2].

Come to think of it, do people in western cultures really think of themselves as sinners? On the other hand, if we stop to think about it, shame is all around us. We seem to spend a lot of time and effort trying to cover up, hide, and dumb down our fears (see parallels in Genesis 3). From never-ending excuses and knee-jerk defensiveness to uncontrollable, unexplainable anger. What about the relentless identity-curation and posturing we see on social media? Anonymous trolls can’t hide their cruelty forever and receive society’s uproar and disgust. Then again, being as shameless as possible is almost championed in the media. Like daily essentials of eggs and milk, integrity is often ‘out of stock’.

We know that so-called ‘Eastern’ cultures are typically depicted as ‘shame cultures’ but could it be that actually a lot of people in the UK and beyond feel both guilt and shame  – just in different proportions and expressed in different ways about different things?

[3]

When we share about Jesus with people from backgrounds where shame is felt more strongly than guilt, would it be helpful to approach conversations from a slightly different angle? Could the following gospel ‘framework’[4] be part of our evangelism toolbox?

• Coming to Jesus gives us a new start for life (e.g. 2 Corinthians 5:17).
• The way out of shame is to die with Jesus and receive a new identity (e.g. Ephesians 4:20-24).
• Jesus exposed shame as a lie and showed us how to live outside it (see Romans 8:31-39).When you die and are raised to life in Jesus, He places you in a new family that is not ashamed of you and won’t judge you like other people do (e.g. Ephesians 2:19-22).
• You don’t need to live according to how others think because you hear and know what God says about you (e.g. John 14:27). He lives in you! (see Ephesians 3:14-19).

Consider walking the following path when sharing the gospel with people from shame backgrounds. Sin and guilt aren’t thrown out with the bathwater but remain present as the biblical vocab of acceptance, togetherness, and relationships are brought to the fore. I hope you can spot the difference. Do you think this could be helpful in our worship, thinking, and speaking about Jesus, God, and church?

• God created us as His children with glory and honour to live in His family. He made us in His image and likeness (Genesis 1:26ff). He designed us to be in relationship with Him and with each other.
• ‘Wrongness’ and wrong actions, however, disrespect God and bring disgrace, guilt, and alone-ness. We are aware of our nakedness and shame. We are spiritual orphans, separated from our heavenly Father.
• Starting with Adam and Eve, our wrong actions have led to the breakdown of creation and relationships. We want to hide from God and cover our shame inadequately with ‘leaves’ (Genesis 3:7).
• God has never forsaken us, however. He provided Adam and Eve with adequate clothing of skins (Genesis 3:21). This beautifully anticipates how the promised Saviour Jesus fully covers our shame (Genesis 3:15).
• Jesus covered our shame when He died a disgraceful death. The cross restored God’s face and brought togetherness between God and His creation. We are now His worthy children with a new inheritance.
• By living in loyalty to Jesus, we receive God’s honour and acceptance. We stop relying on our own name and boasting in our own honour. We receive God’s gracious welcome and place in His family and live in harmony under His name (e.g. unity in Ephesians 4:14-16).

Why not give this way of thinking and speaking a go next time you discuss Jesus with someone? Now that we have experienced the love of Jesus, we yearn for others to experience the same. Don’t forget to leave plenty of room for Him to do his work: the wind blows wherever it pleases (John 3:8)!

As we go into the world, may we be blessed in the knowledge, freedom, and joy that the burden of both our sin and shame have been dealt with decisively and completely in Jesus. As we share the hope that we have in word and deed, may we look to Jesus for the wisdom, perseverance, and kindness that we need so that the words of our mouths and the thoughts of our hearts may truly be a blessing and good news to the people we meet. Amen.

Further Resources and Reading

Cioccolanti, Steve. (2007). From Buddha to Jesus: An Insider’s View of Buddhism & Christianity, Monarch.

Cozens, Simon. (2019). Looking Shame in the Eye, London: IVP.

Georges, Jayson and Mark Baker. (2016). Ministering in Honour-Shame Cultures: Biblical Foundations and Practical Essentials, Illinois, USA: IVP.

Georges, Jayson. (2017). The 3D Gospel: Ministry in Guilt, Shame, and Fear Cultures, (Time Press). See what your ‘culture type’ is on his website: http://theculturetest.com/en

The 2:19 website has go-to resources to help us think further about communicating Jesus with people who have experienced shame. For example, why not download British-Hong Kong speaker Wien Fung’s presentation from 2:19’s English Teaching and Outreach ‘forum’ in 2022: ‘Wisdom for Connecting with Shame and Honour Cultures’.

Footnotes

[1] I think there is still quite a bit of crossover in the vocab but at least the distinctions get us thinking about different perspectives of shame. See Simon Cozens, Looking Shame in the Eye (London:IVP, 2019, p34-5.

[2] For a different tack on sharing Jesus with people from Buddhist backgrounds, read Steve Cioccolanti’s book, From Buddha to Jesus, (Monarch, 2007), p76. He asserts that ‘talking Law’ is the way to go because Buddha’s 227 moral commands show the futility of keeping a perfect rulebook and steer people towards their need for a saviour in Jesus.

[3] These graphs present approximations, not exact science. See Georges & Baker, Ministering in Honor-Shame Cultures,(Downers Grove: IVP, 2016), p19. I’d quibble that shame and fear in Western cultures could actually be higher because they masquerade behind other reactions such as anger.

[4] Rather than a one-fits-all formula, this is an attempt at rethinking our approach to sharing the gospel. See Cozens, Looking Shame in the Eye, p145.

Daniel Whetham is the 2:19 Regional Developer for Greater Manchester. Daniel spent a lot of time teaching English and managing English Language Centres in Asia. Now he supports UK churches with English language provision to connect with International people in the love of Christ.